What traits make you a man? What is Prophetic Masculinity?
Masculinity isn't just the raw nature of a man, it's the raw nature honed into chivalric values.
Recently I’ve been seeing a lot of posts about Prophetic Masculinity which didn't really seem to showcase anything masculine but merely showcased some good characteristics that men and women should have such as love for Allah Azzawajal, humility, integrity, etc...
I wanted to come up with a list of traits that were specific to men, however I was advised by Br Mostafa Azzam on a post that traits within men and women are exhibited differently based on the context of the role that the men and women are in.
"Qualities demonstrated vary according to context and role. A simple example might be that a woman should be primarily a submissive follower with her husband but primarily an assertive leader with her children. Similarly a man with his mother vs with his wife. And then of course, all of that is subject to our being absolutely submissive slaves with our maker, the Lord of the Worlds, and completely humble followers with our master, the Messenger of Allah, salla Llahu alayhi wa alihi wa sahbihi wa sallam."
- Mostafa Azzam
The following are traits that I’ve found specific to men in general outside of a contextual role, what I would consider ‘natural impulses’. However, not all of these traits in their unrefined forms are praiseworthy. It is upon refinement and also a contextual role that we could consider them “Prophetically Masculine” traits.
For example in the traits below I have mentioned a desire to hone physical prowess with a yearning to exercise violence. In its unrefined form, this impulse is not praiseworthy as the Prophet ﷺ did not like fighting for the sake of fighting. That doesn’t make the impulse haram of course, it is a healthy impulse in a man. What it does require is refinement and context, fighting for protection of your family or land and desiring to do so can be praiseworthy.
Men have a natural impulse towards risky behavior, you cannot have authority or competence without undertaking risk. However, young boys might feel excited driving a motorcycle off of a ledge into a canyon, but the Prophetic model would advise older more experienced men to discipline and teach those boys thus refining the behavior of risk.
“Masculinity isn't just the raw nature of a man, it's the raw nature honed into chivalric values. Same with femininity. The feminine loves comfort and hypergamy, but this isn't praiseworthy. It's only praiseworthy when the hypergamous nature preserves and selects virtuous traits as opposed to filthy ones, and it is tempered with loyalty.”
Naz Hassan
A list of traits that are specific to men:
assertiveness
strong frame control and leadership
emotional control even in the face of difficulty and pain
bravery in the face of a more powerful opponent
steadfastness upon principles
love for beautiful things such as beautiful women and food
a desire to hone physical prowess with a yearning to exercise violence
a penchant for risky behavior
facts over feelings
Certain traits like honesty, integrity, love for Allah Azzawajal etc... are not included as they also apply to women and thus not specific to men. Having assertiveness is not generally a good feminine quality and a lack of it would usually be seen as weak in a man.
Food is noted because there were various foods/items which the Prophet ﷺ loved. I would be incorrect to say it would not also apply to women, so I suppose you could strike that off the list but I've left it on because, generally, food is known to be something which men generally crave more than women. The phrase, "a way to a man's heart is his stomach" is one that is generally considered common knowledge in all cultures.
“There are overlapping and unique functional capacities men and women have.
Overlapping ones are those where we still have capacity differences even if we can both tap into that function. Like strength, assertiveness, nurturing care etc.
The most assertive men are much more assertive than the most assertive women. There's a reason women universally score higher in trait agreeableness cross-culturally. This is also why even a soft gay guy can't fully replicate a good mother's maternal instinct.
It's also no wonder testosterone and its absence impacts measures of assertiveness in people. All of that is gendered.
Then there are totally unique functional capacities that only one gender can tap into at all. Things like child-bearing, and other primary biological functions.
But, when it comes to the moral principles we have to obey, we can see that they fit both of the above functional capacities.
The highest levels of leadership are for men. Taking care of the home in a homemaking sense is for women.
Likewise, protecting the borders of the Muslim lands is on men, even though technically if all the men failed and fell--women would need to do it to keep the children safe.”
- Fahim Faruk
And Allah Azzawajal and his Messenger ﷺ know best.